This dilemma is about physical contact between youth workers and young people, in a variety of situations:
- After a bowling outing, one of the girls hugs all her friends goodbye, then she rushes over to hug you … what do you do?
- When a young person is in an emotional state, would a genuine hug or soothing rub of the back be an OK option to help the young person through the situation?
- A refuge resident with generally poor hygiene excitedly says to you: "I washed my hair! Feel how clean it is!" …
- Should workers set their own boundaries for physical contact, or should it be an agency policy? What does your internal policy or code of conduct say?
- Are there male/female differences in what is acceptable here?
- Has a manager ever criticised you for hugging a young person?
I work at a youth refuge where a manager (when changing over shifts from day to sleepover shift) encouraged me to offer one of our clients a hug when we said goodnight. This is because of the client's unique issues (up until coming to the refuge we don't think they were ever touched affectionately and non-threateningly which has had a big impact on their emotional health) and they had recently been looking for excuses to be touched which we thought was a healthy sign. The client and I had established a positive relationship which the manager also thought made me the candidate for trying out a hug.
ReplyDeleteI said "you want a goodnight hug?" in a casual way during our goodnight conversation (where we usually establish when they need to be woken up, ask them if they had a good day, that kind of thing) and they reached out - I put my arms around them quickly, we both said goodnight, and they went off to bed.
I think this is an example of where workers made a decision that it would be okay to try a quick hug with the client as part of supporting the development of their emotional health and emotional intelligence (something else the client really suffers from - really struggles to make friends or any kind of connection with others, especially re giving and receiving affection of any kind). In this case, I guess, a quick hug was thought of as another resource we could provide for this young person in their unique context.
I'm not sure if touching the hair of the young person in the other story above would work the same way: it could definitely work in rewarding their attention to their physical health and responding positively to a socially healthy invitation from them (if that makes sense!), but I'd probably want to know more about the relationship between worker and client (as much as my manager did in the story I just shared).
In my story - we're both of the same gender, female, which I think definitely makes a difference in terms of cultural constructions of what is appropriate between two women.
I'm not sure that, say, a blanket ban on physical contact is able to accommodate the range of practices that help young people in our work with them. We also risk making things like touch and hugging into "the problem" - when the problem we're trying to avoid in making such a policy is about power imbalances and misuse of power.... isn't it?
Thanks for a thought-provoking blogpost!
:-)
I think it's great that your manager was supportive of this. I think all too often we put aside the benefits of physical contact for fear of allegations.
DeleteHaving said that we are obviously all aware of the reasons for no-touch policies in different workplaces, so it is a difficult topic to come to a conclusion on.
I was recently speaking with a psychologist who expressed his extreme disappointment with our culture's tendency to restrict physical touch between workers and clients.
I dare say it has a lot to do with the fact it is a lot easier to use a blanket ban than to go through the task of creating a much longer policy to outline when you should or shouldn't use physical contact. Unfortunately (as I discussed with the psychologist) the harm being done by lack of physical contact could in itself be considered neglect in some circumstances, and there could be more damage being done by denying physical contact.
I work in an Out of Home Care (foster care) program where staff are encouraged to avoid physical contact, but not to push a young child away if they embrace you. However our foster carers are encouraged to hug and cuddle (as a parent would) which obviously means that the children we work with at least have someone significant in their lives that they are able to receive that important physical touch from.
I think that in YP in out of home care they need the reassurence of a hug if they were in a safe home environment they would get a hug when it was needed or asked for and there would be no sexualisation even thought of. We work with these kids everyday and if they are comfortable enough to ask for a hug then they should have one ... ask yourselves would you still trust someone who turned you away..i believe it is a workers call and a YP right to feel that they are cared for in a genuine way and not just cause workers want to get paid. If it were my child in care I would pray that someone cared enough to give them a hug if they needed it.
DeleteWorking for many years in a juvenile Detention Centre we wwere faced with this situation constantly. The detainees would want to hug you to say thanks etc but management were very against this. I believe if it is done in an open environment where there is no chance of allegations could occur it is fine if a worker has a good trusted relationship with a Y/P however we do need to safe guard against the snakes that occasionally drift into this industry so there are two sides to the coin.
ReplyDelete"After a bowling outing, one of the girls hugs all her friends goodbye, then she rushes over to hug you … what do you do?"
ReplyDeleteJust some quick thoughts on this one;
- Firstly I definitely wouldn't hug the young person. I even avoid hugging colleagues! Except at the work Christmas party of course.
- As the young person approaches for the hug I would say something like, 'I don't do hugs', 'I'm not much of a hugger' or 'My boss doesn't let me hug'.
- It is crucial that your response doesn't ruin the atmosphere or embarress the young person. Also, has to be consistent (E.g. you can't hug some and not others).
- As humans, I think we hug for a reason. We are trying to withdraw something from the transaction with that other person. As a youth worker, I can't control what the young person is trying to get out of the hug so I will not do it.
- I do not have a monopoly on 'good' or 'right' ideas.
Cheers. Youth Worker in Sydney
• After a bowling outing, one of the girls hugs all her friends goodbye, then she rushes over to hug you … what do you do? If it is initiated by the young person in a public space then this is fine
ReplyDelete• When a young person is in an emotional state, would a genuine hug or soothing rub of the back be an OK option to help the young person through the situation? If in view of others and is initiated by the young person or asked for by the young person than I believe a hug is appropriate
• A refuge resident with generally poor hygiene excitedly says to you: "I washed my hair! Feel how clean it is!" … your call, personal preference on this one
• Should workers set their own boundaries for physical contact, or should it be an agency policy? What does your internal policy or code of conduct say? I believe that guidelines for ethical behaviour are important, but there needs to be some flexibility around situations , the youth worker must keep themselves safe at all times as well as insure the safety of the young person. As the adult the youth worker should ensure that they are not put in a situation where their professional boundaries could be questioned. I think boundaries should be set by the individual worker but discussed and worked on as part of organisational training so that it is not assumed that we all have common sense when it comes to our rolls as mentors. This is also where refection through supervision could come in handy, and using guiding documents.
We have a work code of conduct that states boundaries in the workplace but does not give specific examples when working with young people
• Are there male/female differences in what is acceptable here? Unfortunately yes, this is only due to stereotypes, current dominant culture and media around this and I feel that it is still seen as more appropriate for a young person to hug a female worker than a male.
• Has a manager ever criticised you for hugging a young person? No.
This is a great post. Really meaty issue.
ReplyDeletei have given clients hugs and i have refused to give clients hugs. i think that there needs to be clear organisational boundaries that provide the ability to touch when appropriate, but give staff the ability to use their practice wisdom within those boundaries.
girl at the bowling alley = public show of affection that is in front of other people quick hug =ok
emotional state = genuine hug ok if there is another staff/volunteer around. back rub i personally would not do as it could be misinterpreted.
Feel my hair = ok (just do not sniff it like the weirdo from charlies angles)
i remember being admonished by a manager for telling an emotionally unstable young woman that i would not allow a hug. after being admonished i allowed it the next time and the young woman complained to my manager that it was innappropriate. (the hug was given in front of one of my colleagues). this situation cemented in me the need for organisational policies to sit alongside staff practice wisdom.
It appears to me that the above scenario represents an appropriate context for a hug - genuine, transparent, in company.
ReplyDeleteYouth workers have to be extremely careful about touching young people.
I have worked for a residential youth service that initially had a "no touch " policy. This service catered for sixteen to twenty four year old young people (not many twenty three to twenty four year olds were considered for admission - duty of care to the younger ones)The service changed policy to hugs or touching being deemed ok in appropriate situations. ie - comforting young people in genuine sadness. Still it can be tricky for a worker.
I know work for a service catering to twelve to eighteen year old young people referred by DoCS. Sorry FaCHS (hard to keep with agency jargon.
Head rubs whilst reading bedtime stories and massage and hugs are encouraged by clinical supervisors. These kids are so damaged and have missed out on this genuine human interaction.
Not all of them accept this and it depends on the worker's relationship with the young person.
It's a real shame that before responding to these scenarios I FIRST had to consider my own gender (regardless of the gender of the yp). The needs of the young person are secondary to the perceptions of others.
ReplyDeleteWhen policies on such issues are drafted they may be designed to protect the yp and the worker, but essentially to protect the organisation. Such policies do not consider common courtesy or what the yp needs. There is a presumption of it ALL being 'inappropriate'.
I was present when a 22 yo female said to a male worker (who had made a huge difference in her life) "Can I give you a hug?" He politely declined, and she has never forgotten that rebuke.
i really do not think workers should be put in a position to make decisions based on individual clients. whilst i hear the arguments for positive touch i do not think a youth workers role in a youth refuge is to do so. we are not the young persons family/friend/etc but a professional support person assisting them to transition into secure housing. i think some touch gestures is fine, pat on shoulder, handshake, one arm side hug, etc but do not think that full hugs should be encouraged. not only does it set up a dynamic between resident and worker but also leaves workers open for allegations.
ReplyDeleteHaving worked in a Youth Refuge for many years and then continuing to work in the field in areas such as OOHC and now in a High School I have come across situations like these many times. I'm grateful that I have been in a position to offer appropriate affection and instill the benefit of healthy relationships with the young people I have worked with. It's definitely important that we look after ourselves however I work in this field to provide a positive influence to young people that may not have experienced this before. I've had a lot of clients look me up many years later and thank me for making them feel that someone in the world cared about them at a time when they felt very alone. Wrong or right, this is why I do what I do.
ReplyDeleteIdeally we, as service and individual workers, develop individual care plans for clients. in reality we work as best we can.
ReplyDeletethe service should have specific policy, and then should be flexible enough to work with staff on a needs basis.
guaranteed either path will rebound sometimes.
in front of colleagues is always important.
I think this issue is one of the trickiest ones that Youthworkers have to face and it does highlight how different, and more challenging, our work environment is compared to similar Social Work/Welfare/Psychology/etc industries.
ReplyDeleteGenerally speaking the latter have often very clear boundaries but in some Youthwork jobs workers might often work with young people for a few years, getting to know them really well.
Of course this does not mean a relaxation of boundaries and ethics but it does often mean that workers have dealt with the yp in a very "real world" kind of way, helping and watching them develop along the way.
In a very broad and generaly way, this less clinical, less "stand off-ish" approach means that the issues Youthworkers face are more challenging and difficult to navigate than other professions.
Another minefield is that whilst some of the examples mentioned in the comments might be deemed acceptable, there is also the issue of some other service noticing a hug and making a big deal of it in their networks. No wonder some Youthworkers are nervous wrecks *lol*
I don't think twice, i have nothing but positive regard and good intentions . I dont subscribe to the paranoia of allegations and would rather face down false allegations in court than let my behaviour be dictated by fear of some abstract possibility which would essentially be bullshit ...
ReplyDeleteI think that's a pretty good approach on the whole. Society in general has gone risk management/insurance/litigation CRAZY and people do live under a constant cloud of "What if..." All this talk of empowerment
Deleteand freedom but people land up living in mental chains.
The only problem I find is sometimes the lone innocent individual does get stampeded (if not lynched) by a mob in a mass panic attack.
So whilst I have faith in my intentions (and other's percepetions) 99% of the time, I do allow for a 1% awareness of the lunatics that sometimes surround me.
Having worked in residential youth accommodation I think a team approach is good. Some workers (self included) do not feel comfortable hugging residents - although I have not reacted when given a spontaneous hug from a resident (but would not initiate it). Definately agree that massages are out - had a (female) manager who was keen on this for relaxation but found that it could be misinterpreted by residents (and then much more difficult/shaming to them to have to re-establish healthy boundaries after. I like the case management approach and team discussions on what is/isn't OK - rather than just a blanket Child Protection there-fore no touch policy. In saying that there are other ways to show solidarity/support to a resident: sitting beside them; affirming statements - e.g "I can see how clean your hair is - well done!". Thanks for raising this topic for discussion!
ReplyDeleteIt is hardly surprising some youth are so emetionally disconected in todays society when what is a normal human behaviour becomes an ethical problem. I struggle with this as a youth worker when young people have no emotional support at home let alone given a simple hug of reasurance. When I was a child to be congradulated or consoled was reasuring and comforting with a simple hug or pat on the back. As a male I would never hug a young female, yet so many females cant relate to male role models with a simple hug. The question I would ask is how are we as workers who have emotionaly disconnected clients expect young people to be human and not robots in society. I find it interesting as adults we at times need a hug yet deny young people such simple human interaction. It is after all part of the human condition. I would never initiate a hug however if it is spontanious from the young person and I reject it what message am I sending?
ReplyDeleteI prefer to rely on my instincts rather than a pre-designed approach, all young people express themselves in different ways. As youth workers, we need to be aware of when and why the boundaries need to be set. You need to assess each individual separately and know that if you feel uncomfortable with something - don't do it. You usually feel uncomfortable for a reason. Effective communication should alleviate any stress or embarrassment caused so you should always be honest. In short we should practice what we preach in terms of risk management and behavior control. I am male, 42 and a father of 6 and I have found ways of sharing affection verbally with young people, so if touch is inappropriate then emotion does not have to be removed from the relationship. Quite often an unhealthy need for physical attention is driven by a lack of emotional security - bare this in mind when you feel uncomfortable. Be honest with yourself and your client and discuss your feelings openly.
ReplyDeleteTo me, it is pretty simple - Hugs are ok so long as:
ReplyDelete- They are done in public or with another worker (ideally of the opposite sex) present.
- They are initiated by the young person, not the youth worker.
I am a 23 yo Male youth worker, and hugging has never presented any issues for me.
I think you hug if you can answer these questions with Yes:
ReplyDelete- Is the client consenting (Obviously must be yes)
- Is it safe for me to do so? (can I avoid accusation and do I feel comfortable to do so)
- Is it safe for the client if I do so? (am I confident that I am playing a positive role)
- Is this hug to benefit the client and not me?
- I am not disadvantaging any other client or worker by this action
This is difficult - I agree with the above reply. I am female and was a parent of teens when I first started Youth Work - I understood the reasons why and I avoided unnecessary touch, I still do - I think there were a couple of times when young people hugged me and it felt weird, once was when I had taken a group of young people to an inter youth centre sports challenge & our group won netball, one of the boys was jumping around hugging everyone, it just felt weird because this had not happened at work before, then the next time a young boy (who was larger than me )just stepped into my space and wrapped his arms around me to hug me and I was uncomfortable, it felt a bit like a power thing to me ( I was a sole worker & there were about 6 other young people present ), straight away I just broke his hold with a martial arts move and said I didnt give you permission to touch me. I think my reaction was instinctive & unexpected and if founded set some clear boundaries, he apologised & I have not had any other issues thus far. In saying that to challenge all the no touch policies - I have also been involved with a program called Youth Insearch - where a safe environment is set up with a large group of young people over a week-end program where they are shown what a safe hug is and encouraged to hug at appropriate times throughout the program - they are also de-briefed about randomly hugging people when they leave the program so they dont freak people out - some of the young people attending Youth Insearch have been denied affection throughout their lives or touch has been a negative experience - so for them to experience a hug of support and care in a safe environment can be life changing. There have been a few nasty social experiments by groups who have denied children of affection throughout history with horrific results - and in our line of work if we have not seen the pain of rejection on the young faces we work with we have had our eyes shut. Live lightly.
DeleteIronically, I faced this very issue today. I ran a workshop in a school today for a class of females (I am a female youth worker). At the end of the workshop one of the students was so upset about her own lack of self confidence that she began to cry. This same girl had also cried yesterday about the same issue. Yesterday it was just the 2 of us in a counselling setting, so I did not touch her at all. I just gave her a tissue and comforted her verbally. Today, however; we were standing next to each other in a classroom and there were other people present. So i reached out and gave her a quick hug. Was it the right thing to do?? I can't say for certain, but it felt appropriate under the circumstances. Perhaps others would disagree. Personally, I think workers should have the freedom to decide if the situation is appropriate or not. Additionally, I have never hugged a male client, it just doesn't feel appropriate.
ReplyDeleteI come from a family culture that hugs and I find it hard in situations where there is great sadness not to hug. Having said that, I try to avoid hugs, and have only been hugged a couple of times in more than 20 years in community services. In every instance the young person has initiated the hug and it was either upon me before I realised it was coming, or it felt very uncaring and rude to pull away.
ReplyDeleteI hold back because I cannot read how the other person views the hug, and I do not want my actions to be misinterpreted. I am very cautious after two episodes early in my career where a client that barely knew me stalked me.. sometimes you don't have to hug people for them to get the wrong idea, I hate to think what might of happened in these situations if I had had physical contact with the clients. One in particular was vulnerable and had major mental health problems and a vindictive streak. It was quite upsetting for me.
I wish I could hug, but fear the consequences. I admire those who take the risk.
I find this issue so fascinating and it is something that I think about a lot. I'm new to youth work and my previous experience was in Colombia where not getting at least three hugs a day by women and children is considered a bad day. Back in the UK I am aware of the stigma attached to hugging and I had tried not to do so.
ReplyDeleteI was recently on a residential with a girl only youth group when one of the youngest girls got very upset on the first night. She had never been away from home and due to noises and others running around the site mucking about she got really scared and was practically hysterical crying and insisting she wanted to go home. I was in a room with her and four other girls and I made the decision not to hug her. I felt awful and to be honest was not very effective in trying to calm her down. A colleague came in the room a few minutes later, gave her a hug and within five/ten minutes she was fine. No I do not think that one hug turned it all around but it broke the ice and allowed the girl to feel understood and so she began to calm down.
After that night and talking with my colleagues I have decided that I will give a hug if it is in public and the yp initiates it. I generally think that you can tell when there is something not quite right behind a hug of which case I will not but usually as a form of celebration or something spontaneous and non creepy I'll happily hug. I've also discovered high fives are quite good for when someone has achieved something.
I'm female and have not worked with boys in this country so can't say, although I'm yet to work with a boy who has wanted a hug so I'm not sure in that situation. It is unfortunate but I do think there is a difference if your gender and that of the yp is different.
With regards to the hair situation, I would feel it.