You live near the youth service where you work. There are no other youth services in that area, and there are very few other activities for young people.
One day your 14-year-old daughter shows up at the drop-in program you are running and makes a number of new friends. The next day when you arrive home from work, several young people from your service are hanging out with your daughter at home.
What would you do?
I think that when you start to blend the boundary between work and home life, things will get very tricky, very fast. For reasons of professionalism, consistency and your own personal sanity, you really need to draw the line at having ANY clients ever hang out at your place of residence. Except in some matter of emergency, there really shouldn't be a time when they would come to your home anyway.
ReplyDeleteThe daughter attending he service thing is a bit of a grey area IMO. If I was asked what the best practice approach would be, I'd suggest that you should not allow your own children (and preferably not any other immediate family for that matter) to regularly attend a service that you work at. The issues should be self-evident. Possibility of favoritism - either real or perceived - could undermine your authority and judgment. Standards you might enforce at home with your own children may not be appropriate to enforce at a youth service, and negotiating this may muddy the waters for all parties involved.
Rules at the youth centre that may no be the same at your home could also affect your relationship with your children, on a personal note.
However, depending on what kind of service you work at, and how many staff work there, if you can maintain a distance from your own children then the issues might be mitigated. I would still strongly discourage this, and I say this having worked in a youth centre where a co-worker did frequently allow their own children to attend!
all fair, but in a small community where there is only one service why should your kids miss out because the fabulous worker is their mum....
ReplyDeleteI think boundaries should be set with your kids before they ever attend, they would have noticed by now that you don't bring your work home with you, so unless your kid is making a point, challenging your authority, it shouldn't have happened, and if it has for these reasons you have a parent child dynamic to renegotiate
I think that it would totally depend on the situation. If your child really didn't need to be at the youth program (for example if it was directed at kids who couldn't go home after school, or had alcohol problems) then I think it would be concerning. but if it was a general program, then it isn't really fair to say your kid cant go. it kind of sends the message that you want to help all the kids but them.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I am kind of new to this whole youth work thing, and am pretty much still a youth myself! however, a lot of my experience has been through observing my dad, who was a minister. He would come to youth group and help the kids there, but he also ran a group in our home. I happened to be best friends with two girls, and they pretty much lived with us. i would think this was an exception rather than the rule. this was in a very small country town, and it was the way things had to be done. you can't tell your kid they cant have their friends over, just because they happen to be your clients. i mean, what would you rather...have them at your house, or have them out on the street doing god knows what?
I know that if i had a young person in my care (i dont want to say if i had a daughter, coz i havent experienced that!) i would be happy for them to be safely at my house, because i know that as a teenager i never wanted to be at home, and my parents hated it.
i would communicate very clearly with the daughter, and try and come up with a solution that fit taht individual situation.
Ahhh you just have to set specific boundaries. Very specific measurable ones and anything else is your own risk. If this risk happens to be something you arn't comfortable with then you shouldn't be a welfare worker in the first place.
ReplyDeleteThese issues were dealt with a family friend of mine (a previous ex-girlfriend of mine) and she was very cool with this kinda stuff and it actually really REALLY helped. Everyone knew she was a social worker and everyone knew where she stood on things and that she would call the cops (whom everyone knew each other anyway) so it was just like yeah..come, hang out but the rules are there and if you bend, break or push it..then it's your problem.
Don't make a mountain out of a mole-hill really. It's easy to put in boundaries when you live in the city with heaps of places to hang out but I agree with what was said before..if it's a small town..what ya gonna do? Hide in a hole somewhere? It's all about appropriate boundaries and being cool with some things but firm and fair on other things.
Chill-lax!
My 13 year old daughter attends the youth service I work at I also have a 17 year old daughter (who chooses not to attend). Our service is about being access for all young people so my daughter has as much right to access as any other young person. I have spoken to her about my rules - and I determine my relationship with young people by where I meet them. I have had neighbours children attend the centre as well - yes it can be messy. It is important to let the young people know where you stand - If I see my neighbours kids at home and they say stuff then its ok to tell there parents if they say stuff at the centre then its confidential. If they really need to talk to me as a youth worker outside the centre they need to make it clear to me. I prefer my daughter not bring her friends from the centre home but one day it will happen, They (young people) at the youth centre understand that it is difficult as I have a professional relationship with them and they are my daughters friends. I have given them lifts from social activities outside the program - I make there parents aware that I am doing this as....'s mum. not the youth worker. I have found that by explaining to the young people all has gone smoothly so far.
ReplyDeleteSimilar to June 9th comment, I am a worker from a small country town so it is difficult - making the boundaries clear regarding work and home with your own children is vital. It is unfair to say your own children can not attend a youth program. Both my children (adults now)had friends that would either attend the program with them or not, some were involved in helping run events, mostly they were too busy doing other things such as study to come to my work. I did however have a one time only situation where my daughter had met a couple of girls from the youth program the previous week and I arrived home from work one evening to find them watching TV in my lounge room. I was a little taken aback as my partner was not home and they had been there unsupervised for about half an hour. I treated them the same as all my daughters friends however when they left I reminded my daughter about boundaries and my private space and suggested they not come over unless parents were home, which was the general rule for all but very close family friends. My daughter was a very naive 16 year old at the time and she had not invited the girls over they had just turned up at the house and she thought it would be rude to turn them away and was aware I would be home within half an hour. It was no real drama. I find wearing a work specific t-shirt helps to define work and private hours and conversations with most young people. It is also a symbol for me that when I take the work t-shirt off I`m not working.
ReplyDeleteI also live in a small town with no hole to hid in and have recently experience this myself as my eldest has just turned 16, therefore often or not the young people I see within my working environment I see in my house.
ReplyDeleteI found that the young person is just as put off with knowing that you know information about them that their mates don't.
I have found what has already been said, that setting clear boundaries with the young person and your children really helps, as it makes them aware of where they stand, and also where you stand Youth Worker by day, mother by night.
I have found it more difficult with the parents then the yp as when they come and pick up their child or if they see me shopping they are compelled to tell you what is happening. This is more difficult as they do not understand clear boundaries and want to push the point of contact with you! Very frustrating.
i firmly believe that your home is your own personal space but it is also to be shared by anyone who respects your rules and values. your daughter like anyone has the freedom to choose her friends and you may offer advice as to who you may think might be good role models but inevitably we all have made decisions that might not be the right ones. the information that you know about these young people from the service must remain confidential and not blur your judgements.
ReplyDeletethe best way to determine if you should let them in your personal space is to set the boundaries and show trust. if this trust is then misplaced you can change your decision based on the evidence.
we allow other children into homes on the same premise so good judgement is the key and having a warm friendly environment
This is hard, on one hand I would want my daughter to make friends and bond with others and on the other hand I want my home life to stay my own away from work. I understand that this can’t always happen, this seems to be a small town and the crossover would happen in one way or another. I would defiantly have some ground rules set, with a strong emphases on times and days etc. etc. I would also hope that there was another person running programs at the centre that my daughter could be involved with for my own sanity and hers.
ReplyDeleteit is best practice never to have other peoples children inside your home regardless of whether they know your own children outside the facility. we as youth workers will always have to be mindfull of the boundries that one self must set outside the facility if the youth of the facility are living close. upon getting home and finding a house full of children they will ordered out and the boundries will be reset with own daughter
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